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Facing rejection, especially when it occurs frequently, is not a great feeling. A publisher is declining your work, delivering a clear “Not interested.” Being an author, I am well acquainted with setbacks. I started submitting manuscripts five decades ago, right after finishing university. Over the years, I have had two novels declined, along with nonfiction proposals and many essays. Over the past 20 years, concentrating on commentary, the refusals have only increased. Regularly, I get a setback frequently—totaling more than 100 times a year. In total, rejections in my profession number in the thousands. At this point, I could claim a PhD in rejection.

But, is this a woe-is-me tirade? Far from it. As, now, at 73 years old, I have come to terms with being turned down.

By What Means Did I Achieve This?

A bit of background: By this stage, just about each individual and their distant cousin has said no. I’ve never tracked my acceptance statistics—doing so would be deeply dispiriting.

For example: not long ago, a publication nixed 20 articles one after another before accepting one. In 2016, no fewer than 50 publishing houses vetoed my book idea before one approved it. Subsequently, 25 agents passed on a project. A particular editor requested that I submit my work only once a month.

The Steps of Setback

When I was younger, every no were painful. I felt attacked. It seemed like my writing was being turned down, but me as a person.

Right after a piece was rejected, I would begin the process of setback:

• First, disbelief. What went wrong? How could these people be ignore my talent?
• Next, refusal to accept. Maybe they rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an mistake.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What can they know? Who made you to judge on my work? You’re stupid and your publication is subpar. I deny your no.
• Fourth, anger at the rejecters, followed by frustration with me. Why would I do this to myself? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, bargaining (often accompanied by false hope). What will it take you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I lack skill. Worse, I’ll never be successful.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Excellent Company

Naturally, I was in fine company. Tales of writers whose books was initially declined are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each famous writer was originally turned down. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was dropped from his high school basketball team. Many US presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in races. The filmmaker estimates that his movie pitch and attempt to appear were rejected repeatedly. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to motivate me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Final Phase

Later, as I reached my later years, I entered the last step of rejection. Peace. Now, I more clearly see the multiple factors why an editor says no. For starters, an publisher may have already featured a similar piece, or have something underway, or simply be thinking about that idea for another contributor.

Or, more discouragingly, my submission is not appealing. Or the evaluator thinks I am not qualified or reputation to be suitable. Or is no longer in the market for the work I am submitting. Maybe was busy and reviewed my piece too fast to see its quality.

Go ahead call it an realization. Anything can be turned down, and for whatever cause, and there is pretty much not much you can do about it. Certain rationales for denial are always out of your hands.

Your Responsibility

Others are your fault. Let’s face it, my proposals may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may be irrelevant and appeal, or the point I am struggling to articulate is poorly presented. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Or an aspect about my writing style, notably dashes, was annoying.

The key is that, regardless of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve published two books—my first when I was 51, my second, a memoir, at retirement age—and over 1,000 articles. These works have been published in newspapers major and minor, in regional, worldwide outlets. My debut commentary was published in my twenties—and I have now submitted to that publication for half a century.

Still, no blockbusters, no signings at major stores, no appearances on talk shows, no speeches, no book awards, no big awards, no international recognition, and no medal. But I can better accept rejection at my age, because my, humble successes have cushioned the stings of my frequent denials. I can afford to be reflective about it all at this point.

Valuable Setbacks

Setback can be educational, but provided that you heed what it’s attempting to show. Otherwise, you will almost certainly just keep taking rejection all wrong. What lessons have I gained?

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